it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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