It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I need a burrito and a hug.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
