hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
