im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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