Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
