I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i will never coherently bang her
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
