I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I cut my penus on the lid.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
What happened to fro yo and sex?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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