So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
