you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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