i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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