yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
