One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
