I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Are we still banned from the library?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
