I faked an abortion last night.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
