Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
