i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
