Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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