Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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