he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
