I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
