I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
