That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
