Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
