you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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