Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
