You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
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