I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
