i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
