Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
