I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
