my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
