I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
