its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
