obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
