So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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