Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
