she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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