No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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