I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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