I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
