We're facebook friends in real life
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
We're hate flirting, damnit.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
