I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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