Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
