So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
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