He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
