Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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