you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
