So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
