Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
