just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
