I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
