and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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